On Sept. 12, 2021, “Hatched Baby”, the nine-foot-tall sculpture of a blue baby coming out of an egg, was brutally vandalized. The sculpture was a loan to La Crosse from German artist Wolfgang Auer and is part of a collection of blue baby statues on display in cities around the world.
The statue created a lot of tension as the community expressed their distaste for the loaned piece. The beheading and theft of the blue baby’s head lead to the city of La Crosse removing the entire statue and returning it to Auer, broken and battered.
Originally thought to be put to rest, The Acorn’s overseas division recently caught wind that the blue baby might soon make its return to La Crosse, and this time he won’t be alone.
Troubled by his time in America the blue baby spent his recovery scheming a devious plan to get back at those who wronged him. The last four years the blue baby has been working with Auer on making an army of blue babies. While the earlier models were restricted by their egg bottoms, the “Hatched Baby 2.0” is fully equipped with bouncy pacifier legs and machine gun baby bottles for arms.
Plans for a full out war were found in an encrypted email broken by Dr. GooGooGaaGaa in UWL’s childhood development department. From what was decrypted it appears that sometime in the near future a storm of thousands of blue babies will rain down on the city of La Crosse.
With Oktoberfest around the corner, La Crosse residents wailed about the potential baby battle as they refuse to have their stomping grounds destroyed.
Taking up arms, citizens such as Niel Down have a lot to say about the fight ahead, “These babies think we don’t like them because they’re German, but we don’t like them because they’re ugly! I mean every La Crosse resident’s favorite holiday is a German one [Oktoberfest] and we will not have it ruined by the return of this horrible statue”.
With a promise to behead any blue baby that comes into town, it appears blood and blue plaster will soon cake the city of La Crosse. The Acorn urges readers to gear up, hunker down and get ready to fight.
DISCLAIMER: All articles featured in The Acorn are creative, satirical and entirely fictional pieces. They are not intended to be interpreted as genuine news.
