Today we mourn the loss of a La Crosse apex icon. A fin-tastic chum to many and jaws that provided a safe haven for the belligerently drunk.
As we release this wild beauty into the beer-filled bar in the sky let us take a moment to remember and honor his life.
He was born in 1959 to a single mother and raised in the cape of South Africa. His childhood was anything but easy, with his mother abandoning him as just a wee pup. Despite his hardships this didn’t stop him from swimming with confidence. He had to learn to navigate the waters on his own, and find his shiver.
His independent endeavors ultimately led him to meet his life-long “best friend” (and speculated lover) Tralalero Tralalá. Many believe they were more than just chomp‑anions, because their relationship was far from cold blooded.
After years of cherishing their time together he knew it was time for a change. While the decision to leave Tralalero was a hard one for him to make, The Legends Shark knew he was meant for life above sea level.
In 1984 he began his journey across the Atlantic to the Gulf of Mexico. As soon as his fins met land he knew he had made the right choice. He quickly found community in Mexico and eventually joined the cartel. His intimidating demeanor helped him swim up the ladder of power and he quickly became a powerful drug lord alongside his right-hand man Pablo Escobar.
While this line of business filled his pockets he knew nothing could fill the hole that Tralalero had left in his heart. Tired of living a life of crime he left it all behind. With only the clothes on his back he migrated to Texas.
His life took a complete 180 when he joined the church and committed fully to his faith. After years of repentance and devotion he served as a pastor, thinking he finally found a way to feel whole again.
After a scandal in the church, they were forced to close their doors, and almost immediately after it mysteriously burned down entirely. Some say it was God punishing them, some say it was simply an electrical mishap. Regardless, it left him stranded and alone.
There was nothing he could do but keep moving forward. He took off north and like Forrest Gump, he just kept running. Running day and night for six weeks. Praying he would find a place he could call home.
After endless cardio he was at the peak of exhaustion. Dehydrated, starving and his legs feeling like Jello he collapsed at the Legends door. When he regained consciousness he found himself in the arms of a beefy bouncer, who got him some water, a Spotted Cow and some “twisted poutine” from Bierhaus next door.
The bouncer’s natural Midwest kindness spoke volumes to him, and he found sanctuary in Legends bar. The Midwest lifestyle suited him perfectly; he loved the cooler weather, the cheese curds and above all the beer.
There have been reports that the Legends Shark did not repent from his drug-slinging ways as one might have thought, with rumors that this great white was involved in a different kind of great white with the infamous drug lord El Aberrojo. However, the Acorn can only report what we know to be true: that, after a lifetime of hopping from place to place he decided it was time to finally settle down and enjoy the rest of his life in Legends.
Every night held a new adventure for him, (some better than others). College students kept him young and finally made him feel truly loved again, but they weren’t always easy on him.
Former Legends bartender states, “That shark has seen a lot of things… There have been multiple occurrences of these dudes peeing into the shark’s mouth and we’d have to kick them out. But that’s not all! We’d find used condoms in there like once a month. During the busy weekends you’d go in there and there would just be puddles of… uhh… well I think probably a mixture of cherry bombs, beer and piss?”
Now that’s a bite‑sized problem.
But the mystery liquids and razor-sharp teeth never deterred bar-goers from enjoying his company. The former Legends bartender continued by saying, “sometimes people would get too drunk and pass out in there [his mouth] and we’d have to fish them out… no pun intended.”
Despite being put through the ringer the Legends Shark still loved everything about the bar, piss and all! He loved the people, the music, the lights, the free shots the girls would sneak him, even the smell of dance floor perspiration.
Needless to say, he will be greatly missed, and there will never be another of his like. As we mourn his loss, he would not want us to look back in sadness but instead to smile at the beautiful memories we made with him.
